Hi all, First of let me preface this post by saying that I'm going to talk about mental illness (my own) so if anyone is sensitive to talk of this kind please be aware it may contain "triggers".
I have a quite serious mental illness (dissociative identity disorder) which has already caused me to lose my prior career in engineering. I discovered photography a couple of years ago and I'm now at the point where I'm going to start selling my images. My passion is in long exposure landscape photography which in an ideal world I would stick to but I'm also aware of just how difficult it is to do that. I'm also agoraphobic which I can overcome a lot of the time but sometimes it gets the better of me and at times I have to have either friends or family go to the shops for me so I don't starve! I'm in the process of learning portrait photography and setting up a little studio in my spare room so I can carry on in a productive manner when I can't go outside.
I also need some "Bread and butter" work whilst I'm at this level so I've just done my first wedding shoot as a second lens. I was happy with the level of responsibility and enjoyed the day but the problem has come after. I gave the primary shooter my images on Tuesday on a usb stick but I've had no feedback about them yet, despite a couple of emails and texts (The primary is a friend of mine). I understand that he's a busy guy and there's nothing sinister going on (like I say, he's a friend) but I'm a wreck! I can't seem to get on with anything else, even though I've loads of ideas I feel like I'm completely locked up - like a buffering camera! - until I get some feedback. I don't mind if it's good or bad feedback, I just can't seem to move on until I can draw a line under that shoot. It's got to the point where I'm not sleeping and having nightmares when I do sleep.
I know this is a pretty weird thing to be asking advice on , but I was hoping that someone on here has ever experienced similar and has any advice. (Private messages are welcome if you don't feel comfortable talking in public)
It's a weird fact of professional photography that there is often no feed back at all after delivery. As a second wedding shooter, your purpose is to be supportive of the primary photographer and extend the range of coverage. If you need to much guidance or require lots of the primary photographer's time, then you may be more of a distraction than assistance.
Expecting lots of feedback and discussion from professional shoots will often be a huge disappointment. Beyond "thanks" or "great job" I only get more detailed feedback in about 10% of my client work. Given your personal situation, wedding photography might not be a good choice for you.
Thanks for the reply. I must admit that even though I was only ever going to stick to being a second shooter (and enjoyed myself on the day) I don't think this stress is worth it. I think I'll carry on as I'm doing or the time being - trying to build a solid landscape portfolio for prints etc and portraits. The last thing I need to do is hobble myself when I'm just starting out!
People who write novels are told "write what you know about." Same with photography, to an extent. What do you really know about? What are your passions? Many, many photgraphers are sports nuts and want to get into that. You need to find the kind of photography you are most passionate about and then think if you have any connections, anybody who will give your work a boost. It is not easy. Back in the salad days of magazine photography Life and Look magazines used to do photo stories on people with mental health/physical problems. "A day in the life of a heroin addict in New York City" for instance. Did you ever think about trying to photograph how you feel? Recently I saw where a autistic boy photographed himself being the victim of being bullied, using a selfie stick. Sometimes you have to throw out what everybody else does and do it your own way. That's what artists of all stripes do