Hey everybody! I'm looking for some input about how to handle a bit of a situation that has come up.
I'm a wedding photographer but am attending a wedding reception/party with my wife as guests. I wasn't asked by the couple (friends of ours) to work it or take photos, even though they know that I'm a photographer.
The mother of the bride (old family friend of my dad and of mine obviously) called and left a voicemail asking me to bring my camera and "shoot a couple photos thought the night" just of some "important moments." She made it clear she wouldn't want me to spend hours photographing but just "here and there."
My dilemma is that I don't want to do that. For one thing, I was looking forward to just attending and celebrating my friends. I don't want to have to worry about my camera gear if my wife and I want to go dance or go hang out by the bar with some mutual friends. And I'm not keen on leaving my wife on a whim to go take photos for 10-20 minutes multiple times throughout the night. It's just a different mindset when I go to an event to WORK as opposed to going to have fun ya know?
How would you guys turn down a friend like this because you want to go to the party in the capacity in which you were invited; a guest?
Thanks for any thoughts you might have!
Joe
Honesty is the best policy. Just tell her that you don't want to do it. you want to enjoy being there and celebrating your friends wedding not worrying about working and taking photos. If she wants you to photograph the wedding you will reluctantly accept, but you will be charging for your services. You are working and not enjoying being a guest.
That's very tricky because it sounds like there are a lot of relationships there that may be affected if you're not very tactful and delicate. I agree with Tyler that honesty is the best policy, but it's all in the delivery. The key is to get them to realize that their request is thoughtless and to understand that you're not willing to work for free, but without actually saying it. Try something like you are flattered that they appreciate your work enough to ask, but you're attending with your wife and you are looking so forward to celebrating their day together, you're apprehensive about bringing any gear. Point out it's professional gear and it's how you make your living. Say you would not be able to enjoy the evening worrying about leaving it about to dance or socialize. Make sure they understand that if you leave it and something happens to it, it would be a serious blow to your income and business. Also you can bring out that there are such limited opportunities to just enjoy celebrating huge moments with friends that you are really looking forward just attending and being present. And maybe even throw in a little white lie and tell them you promised your wife that you would leave work at home and just enjoy the evening with her. Weddings are emotional so if they react badly just keep your cool and don't be reactive. Good luck.
And the most obvious reason you could give is the conflict it could cause with the photographer they ARE paying to photograph the wedding. They do have one contracted for the wedding right? Or were they hoping you would end up doing it all for free since you already had your camera with you?
Gary V that shit and just say no. Call her back and say Hello Grandma, I actually wasn't hired to take photos at the wedding. I was looking forward to enjoying my friend's wedding and not working. By the way, is your son Bob still an accountant? If so, could he do a little bit of my taxes?
I once photographed a friend's wedding. She complained later that it meant I wasn't in many photos and wasn't really a guest. In my mind, it's one or the other.
I'd say that as a pro photographer unless we actually don't bring a camera, we can't relax and enjoy a wedding as guest. I'd say you were really hoping to do that and hope she understands.
Thank you all very much for the words of wisdom here. I turned it down as delicately and tactfully as I could. I think once I explained that I was looking forward to an evening of fun and not work, she got the idea and possibly the err of her asking in the first place! lol!
Thanks again all, love this community.
Joe
In similar situations, I have always answered "that is ok, see you there".
I leave the camera at home and shoot some photos with my mobile phone. Afterwards, I send two pictures via email or post them on Facebook/Instagram. If I make the shot really advanced I have a selfie stick with me too.
Tell her exactly what you said in your post... You want to be able to enjoy the night out with your wife... Tell her you'll be happy to share any pictures you get with your phone though out the night.
I would understand if it was me. :)
I do not photograph weddings for a living, but when I attend events I bring my small Fuji X100T with me to take a couple shots at the wedding. I ensure I do not get in the way of the event photographer, and usually try to capture moments maybe when they are not around or have left for the night after the party portion begins. It small light not obtrusive, and honestly some of my friends have asked for copies of the photos as they preferred them to the event ones as they are more candid/photo journalist style. Do what your comfortable with, but I would not bring a heap of gear as a guest. Just enjoy the event as your presence was invited for just that, as a friend not as a photographer.