I really want to like this photo. My only issues with it are the blown out spots and how they're off-center. I know you probably exposed it like you did because you didn't want their faces to be too dark, but if you have an under-exposed version that you can bring up in your editing program and then reduce the highlights (as well as center them because this is one shot that I think would look good like that), then I think it would bring it up a rating.
You might also try converting to black and white. Overexposure in black and whites isn't quite as glaring as it is in color photos, at least to me.
I really want to like this photo. My only issues with it are the blown out spots and how they're off-center. I know you probably exposed it like you did because you didn't want their faces to be too dark, but if you have an under-exposed version that you can bring up in your editing program and then reduce the highlights (as well as center them because this is one shot that I think would look good like that), then I think it would bring it up a rating.
You might also try converting to black and white. Overexposure in black and whites isn't quite as glaring as it is in color photos, at least to me.