Work hard. Create personal work. Blog. Be active on social media. Pick up the phone. These (any many others) are tried and true ways to promote yourself and your business while you're trying to get noticed in a sea of other artists. But what happens when life gets in the way of your success? How do you balance taking care of your family while giving photography an honest to goodness shot?
A bit more than a year ago I signed on to work for Fstoppers as a staff writer. Although the first few months were productive for me, little by little the stresses of taking care of my new son had reduced my productivity to zero. Finding time in my schedule to research articles, promote my business, and squeeze together a few hours to shoot the jobs I managed to book, all while trying my best to avoid being a worthless lump to my wife became a insurmountable challenge.
I had to let Fstoppers go.
Some may say, “Well why didn't you just get a full time sitter so that you could have more time for work?” That's a fantastic solution! However, for a lot of families, the cost of full time child care isn't an option when one of the parents is a 9 to 5-er and the other (me), freelances. Doesn't it make more sense for the freelancer to take the brunt of the child care responsibilities during the day? Perhaps.
For the uninitiated, taking care of a newborn is a lot of work. In the middle of the night you wake up every 2 hours for feedings for the first 6 weeks. After that it's non-stop diapers, feedings, nap time, doctors appointments, crying, spitting up, and general gross-ness. Of course, I shared these responsibilities with my wife, but the amount of time dedicated to cleaning up poo would astound anyone, even when shared with a partner.
I realize the above paragraph makes raising children sound like hell on earth, but the reality is that you need to slog through the nasty times to get to the good stuff. The smiles, burps, belly laughs, skinned knees, and first steps make it all worth it.
But what happens when you emerge, blearing-eyed, poo and vomit encrusted, from that first year of parenting? Oh yeah. I have a business to run!
Although my little one is able to go for much longer times without direct supervision, he's still an attention hog. So what now? How do I balance my work, care of the little one, quality family time with the wife, etc?
So far, I've managed to book a sitter two days a week to free up time for photography and classes. I try to book work during the weekends, but that does eat into family time. I've found that separating my work space with the family area is key. It's incredibly hard to get work done when you're surrounded by a whirlwind of kids. Fortunately, I've converted part of the basement into an office space. It's a man-cave for productivity! Before having a separate space in the house, I'd have to leave in order to get any work done.
Probably the single biggest contributor to harmony in the home has been communication between myself and my wife. Too often we get so caught up in trying to be "Super Parent" that we while trying to be all things to everyone, we fail at doing any of them well. It's far better to come out and tell your partner how stressed you are than to turn that stress inward until it blows up. You're only human. Take the time you need to do your job well. But don't forget to tell your family what you're doing. If you don't communicate, you could be seen as indifferent to those you care most about. Don't forget to include them in your process.
All this isn't to throw a pity party for myself. However, I can't be the only one in the situation of balancing a less than ideal family schedule with aspirations of becoming the next Leibovitz. Do you work nights? Do you have a new family? Is it challenging to find time to push your business with as much dedication as necessary? How do you deal with the guilt of being away from family while trying to make the dream happen for yourself?
I'd love to hear how others are making their dreams a reality while balancing a busy family life. Sound off below!
We live in an era of iPhones, instagram, and all other social medias, I find myself working 24/7 and try and make time for my family but even my daughters generation, 14 and 11 seem to be 24/7 looking at their iPhones all the time, I have a rule of when we are eating or out to dinner they have to put down the dang devices!!! I feel we are in the WALL-E age and it is getting worse everyday. This video is in spanish but up for many awards and has a great message if you all want to watch it. It is not necessary to understand spanish, the message is obvious.
http://la100.cienradios.com/mira-el-corto-publicitario-que-protagonizan-...
The simple solution is to not give an 11 year old a smartphone.
Sometimes it is necessary to say "put down the devices". We made a decision to sit down at the table as a family to eat supper. During that time, there are no phones, no TV, no digital devices. It required a conscious effort but it was worth it to me.
Some people's schedule might not allow it, but I adapted. We do not always eat at the same time, and we don't always eat at the table together, but that is the norm for us now. It gives us time to talk about our day, what is going well and what is not, allows time for conversation.
Eric, the time you spend together without digital devices will be remembered in times to come. It is worth the effort.
Oh man! It's nice to know that more people have this kind of issues. I find myself with no time to shoot. I have a Government Job, a 2 years old kid, and a 6 months old baby. Trying to make the transition to a full time job as a photographer it's just "impossible". I Love to spend time with my boys and i really enjoy be able to help my wife, but i just don't find any time to go to an event to shoot and get in contact with "People" so i can get some jobs. This is totally my passion, so i'm not letting my dream go away. I hope time pass by, my kids get more independent so i can let my wife more relaxed, and i feel free to get out in to the world and Make it. Greetings to all.
I hear you! Don't give up, though. I think the worst thing to do is put everything on hold until the "right time." Things will never be perfect so it's best to be the most productive you can be in that moment. Figuring out how to best manage the time is the hard part.
Marco, and Hans, thanks for writing this stuff. I too have a 2yr old and an 8month old (boys) and I struggle to even find people who have kids in that range (and the same gender because that matters too, boys are crazy!) to even ask how to deal with life let alone building my photography and video passions. I was a musician too, and that has been all but gone. But I still try and find ways to get it done. Though I mostly don't! Thanks for at least sharing your experiences. I think right now with the kids being so young Im gonna just focus on the education side and really refining before getting out there and being aggressive about booking clients. The thing for me is, I used to be able to have the attitude of "Nothing in gets in the way"....I was a musician and if something was booked, it was booked and that was that, If I got sick, or something came up, oh well, a gig is booked.....well, I can't do that with my children, they come first and deservedly so. So until I can get back to 100% commitments I try and take gigs sparingly and very conducive to my schedules with the kids.
This article couldn't have come at a better time, as I also as a new parent try to make things work balancing new parental duties an photography. Thanks for the words!
I tried my best to watch my daughter 2 days a week and have childcare the other 3. The problem I ran into as an architecture and real estate photog was I could never guarantee the same 3 days of work each week because my job is largely based on the weather. With my having to move around my childcare days so much, I had to bite the bullet and go to 5 days at a daycare for her. I was lucky enough to have many months of Daddy-daughter days in her 1st and part of her second year, but now I just can't run my business any other way... if business slows down I may go back to part-time, but for now we can support it.
This echoes my last 6 months so accurately, it's scary and pleasing to hear someone else in the same boat. My story starts with me quitting a personally destructive job that I had for 5 years right after my son turned 1. I hated quitting because I knew the financial stress it could cause but I felt that I had enough contacts and skill to continue my video/photo work freelance. That was absolutely the case, I just didn't truly understand that I wouldn't have the time. Immediately my wife took a second job, she was fully supportive, which left me as the only option to take care of our son. We couldn't afford full-time daycare and didn't like any part-time options. Long story short, the jobs I did take didn't make us enough and I began to get more and more stressed. I ended up taking another full-time gig in hopes of revisiting my plans to build a company when my son is older. The lack of creating, building anything for those 6 months was painful. I wouldn't have given it up though, it was incredible time that I never would have gotten with my son if I had stayed at that previous job.
It's truly tough to put it out into the world that parenting just sucks sometimes. It's the most rewarding thing in the world, but it's one thing to SAY you're putting your kids first and another thing to actually have to DO it. The guilt, both from neglecting family and not giving your business your all, can be crippling. I'm glad you're coming out the other side with a positive attitude!
As a new parent I am having a hard time helping my wife with our six month old boy, maintaining my photography business and having a another full time job. The easy solution is to put photography on hold for a bit until our little guy gets older but that isn't an option as my photography business has bills to pay and I got dependent on the money my business makes to afford life. I'm now to the point where I can only book shoots during every other weekend. Finding time to focus on editing and working on the business is almost non existent. I'm not sure what the ultimate solution is but I sure hope I find it soon. Until then I'm trying my best to be a good husband and father while doing what I love. It's nice to know I'm not the only one in this situation.
It'll get easier as the kid gets older. Babysitting options open up and I'm sure you'll both be more ready to spend time away from the kiddo. This time goes so, so fast... I bought a fairly low cost play pen that I can fold away and put in the basement with me so the boy can play while I edit. It's usually good for half hour or so here and there. Best of luck!
This article is such an amazing break which will let all us go a bit personal and emotive. And I find it so strange to have only men commenting. As stressful and time consuming it might be for fathers it is literally double or triple for mothers. I had to give up photography for sometime after I gave birth to my daughter 3 years ago, I was both extremely happy as a mother , who tried to be a supermom, and as unhappy as anyone can't imagine without photography, at that time I also relocate to another country, so I had to build a new client base as well. What I would advice is to never put a cross on yourself and never stop dreaming of doing it again and again. Guilt of taking time from your child and family might be killing, but than a realization came to me, I can't raise a happy child if I am not happy on my own. I gave myself sometime, did small jobs (thanks to my supportive husband) and eventually all exploded in a personal shoot I did to celebrate my coming back to my reality, which won several awards and features which was so rewarding.
I found out when you have less time you do more, and now planning is everything, I would either book my shoots on weekends , when I can leave our daughter to grandmas or with my husband, or when she is at kindergarten, and have time with my husband every evening night . So things stay balanced.
Never give up your passion, you will never be happy - so neither your family will be having an unsatisfied person in ;)
PS: the outcome of that work family balance https://fstoppers.com/photo/67209
As your child gets older, it does not get easier I've found. My wife and I both work. I'm a working professional as well as a freelancing photographer. I work 8-10 hours a day at my day job, then go home, spend a couple hours with my family, then start my retouching freelancing.
I basically work from 7 AM to 2 or 3 AM almost every day. I try to take weekends off, but it doesn't often happen. So, I set specific days aside throughout the month to ONLY focus on my family. Its been hard on my wife/kid. My daughter is too young to figure things out. But as long as I continue to read her a bed time story, play a quick game, or do a puzzle and eat dinner with them every night, I'm able to justify it.
Although, recently I've hit my stress level limit and I've started letting go retouching clients. Because my desk job is consistent and salaried, I'd rather sacrifice the photography for my sanity and not more family time, obviously.
I've recently considered throwing in the retouching and photography towel all together. I haven't shot any new photos in a few months, but still retouching.
I think I'll be reclaiming my family time in a couple weeks... for good.
Hans, this is an age old dilemma... Once you make family/kids your priority, the sacrifices start. If you or anyone has a family/spouse supporting their photo business, they should be worshipped. It gets even more expensive to run a business with a family and only limited leverage in our field. An employee situation would be the next step but if we're doing everything solo, there's very little time for much else. We know how demanding it can be. Our spouses understand this but the problem is, there's no end game for us... What do we do for retirement, health insurance, and college education? Those bills are coming too... Please please please chime in here if you're a successful photographer with a well balanced family life.
I have to agree with you that I need to manage my time better, but I am not sure I understand what period of time it was when children were not the center of people's lives. I think the truth is that when a couple has a child, it is very difficult for both parents to have a career or even a full time job, whether it be photography or practicing law. Lots of parents are shocked by how all consuming it is to have a baby to raise. Mother Nature has designed it that way.
Wow great article! I have no solution but can really relate to balancing three kids a regular 9-5 day job and my photography.. I hope that when they grow up just a little more and all go to school (the youngest is now two) and that at that time my photography will have more time, till that time it will be in third place... right behind family and job...
This article couldn't have come at a more perfect time. I'm 21 with a little over a year left in school with a 9 month year old daughter. As far as her mother goes, we aren't together so I have her two days out the week and the rest of the week consists of class or trying to shoot. At the latter part of 2015, I began interning and within a few months I was assisting pros and making great money. Things have slowed and as they've slowed down, my "girlfriend" insists that I push photography to the side a bit to work a regular job. I just can't bring myself to do it. I've come too far to just quit. Because I know if I stop now, I won't ever get it back. Life hasn't been too kind to me lately, and photography is literally the only thing that, not only pays, but keeps me focused and sane. Thanks for your words and good luck to all the new photog-parents!
As artists, I think we all have to have the "get a real job" conversation with someone at some point. Keep in mind that there are other ways to make money using your camera that may not line up exactly with what you see as your focus. If you're in a city, take a look at jobs shooting events. It's not the most glamorous work, but the pay is decent for a couple hours of work and it may be just what you need to get you by during the slow times. Try to do work that keeps a camera in your hand if possible! I remember being your age and wanting to remain focused on a single track, but life is tricky and you're not giving up by changing up your tactics so you can take care of yourself and your loved ones.
Judging by the comments, you have struck a nerve.
The fact is that we are all working harder than ever before as our economy evolves to lower compensated gigs offered by disingenuous clients striving to get the most from their vendors.
It is no longer seen as anomalous that we work til 2AM every night to make ends wave at each other. If you make time for family or yourself you are made to feel guilty as a slacker or un-ambitious.
The sad fact is that for so many, balance in life is unaffordable. Moreover, we are exhorted to excellence and tantalized by the prospect of overnight success so we slog on hoping for that big break.
I note that the majority of "rock star" photographers are single. Thus they can pursue their "passion" (obsession) unhindered by relational entanglements.
I helped my wife raise three kids through the 80's and 90's. I often sucked as a dad because I worked hard and came home late a lot because I desperately wanted to create security for my family. There was occasional discord but I really was trying to do it for my family.
You do have go out in the rain and get shit done or someone doesn't eat.
Hi Hans, you said that you can take jobs shooting events during the slow times. I´m starting my carreer as a conceptual and advertising photographer. If I´m creating my brand, how will I take events shootings?? I mean, I will be an advertising photographer, why people will give me an event shooting work?? Does it happend?? or if you are creating a brand, is better focusing in your brand????
Hi! Market yourself for both, but separately. 2 different web sites so that you don't dilute your brand if that's a worry. You can even take your name off of the events brand. You know, the old "Hot Shots Events" type thing. Whatever works for you.
Cutting out one of the mistresses helps.
But which one? Ya can't make a brotha choose. And if the wife is reading, that's SOOO a joke.
This article totally hit home.
I'm not a photographer, I'm a 3D animator and I freelance vfx and motion graphics on the side. But I read Fstoppers because photography pertains to some of my work and a lot of the articles transfer over to different aspects of my work.
My wife works parttime, a couple of days of the week, I work at my day job fulltime, and freelance my butt off from home whenever I can squeeze it in. Sometimes it feels like I am totally neglecting my family duties and my wife, awesome warrior that she is, has to take the brunt of all the baby caring duties. We just had our first child, a little baby girl, 6 months ago, with some complications and a really rocky start. And even now, her dietary requirements are making things really hard.
I work during the day, I work in the middle of the night, we've had no life for a while now. It's tough.
But you're right, the smiles and laughter, even though they don't come right away, make a lot of it worth it. And I wouldn't trade any of it for anything, but supporting a family and trying secure their future, paying medical bills, and every other bill and fee our modern life throws at us, it's tough.
I had an instagram account where I posted a new render everyday for over a year, I even posted on the day my daughter was born. But now, after 6 months since she was born, I'll post maybe once a week, maybe less. It was a source of motivation, inspiration, and learning for me.
Sorry, I don't know where I'm going with this. This post kind of turned into a vent. But I just wanted to let you know, your words hit home and I totally sympathize with the struggle of balance.
My family is grown now, but I lost an enormous amount of time with my family because I worked from early morning to late at night. The kids would come into my office to tell me goodnight and I would work until bedtime.
Looking back, I regret not closing the office door and being more of a dad and less of a 'provider'. No matter how many hours you work, you will never get it all done. I should have made the decision to make the family important like Hans did rather than trying to 'be successful'.
Fortunately, we did many things as a family, so we do still have a close relationship.