Photographer Takes Picture of Golden Gate Bridge, Starts Business

Photographer Takes Picture of Golden Gate Bridge, Starts Business

San Francisco, CA: A local man who recently brought his newly acquired DSLR to the Golden Gate Bridge has announced the founding of his photography business.

The photographer, John Griffith, recently visited the famous landmark while on a hike, where he took an image of the bridge in the fog, forcing family and friends to view it many times and describing the tilted horizon and odd crop that cut off the top of the structure as "artistic choices." Despite having no prior experience in photography, Griffith announced the opening of his photography business, "Moments of a Lifetime," specializing in landscape, portrait, wedding, birth, engagement, sports, event, glamour, and boudoir photography. Griffith also announced the addition of commercial and product photography after discovering the pop-up flash when he accidentally hit the lightning bolt button on his Canon Rebel. Says Griffith of his general aesthetic:

I just like to keep it simple, you know? Saturation: 100, Clarity: -100. Print. 

Local reviews of Moments of a Lifetime have been mixed. We spoke to some of Griffith's friends, who noted:

I just asked for some nice engagement shots. I'm not sure why there was a tiger Photoshopped into all of them. I mean, do we even have tigers in California? 

He kept talking about how a heavy vignette really brings attention to the subject, but I couldn't really listen to what he was saying because he kept saying 'vignette' with a hard g.

All my headshots were black and white except for my eyes. He said: 'it brings out the blue of your eyes.' I wasn't really sure about it, but he does have a really nice camera...

Griffith has also appointed himself the official photographer of all family events, bringing his unique style of selective color portraits to the Griffith family reunion and offering cousin Linnie menacing glares whenever she pulled out her smartphone to snap a shot, muttering: "do you even know how much depth of field you're getting with that ISO?" Said Grandma Beth after 45 minutes of posing and 600 shots:

Would someone please get me a chair?

Griffith notes he plans to begin offering workshops next week.

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61 Comments

why give him the time of day and the publicity, then? :D

Josh A Katz's picture

theres a small chance that this is satire.

>97%

Satire my ass.

I know of more than one case of idiots like this. One particular guy printed business cards a couple of days after he got his brand new video camera with no clue how to use it. His first wedding shoot didn't end well, as he got punched by the groom.

Josh A Katz's picture

satire tends to mock real life situations. it doesn't mean that it's not satire just because it is possible that it could actually happen.

Peter Gargiulo's picture

Hysterical! Good stuff, thanks for the laugh.

LOL'd and heartily! Have a great day!

Wow, "Uncle Bob" actually opened up shop?!

Alex Cooke's picture

He finally did it!

Too bad he's fictional. If it was true it would have given me a boost! Who knows? mebbe I'll leave MS Paint and JPEG and use RAW and, that photo-editing thingy thing... I might even buy a DSLR coz most of my clients frown whenever I use my iPad...

LOL. very funny.
p.s. some people are so damn serious...they didn't even know this was a joke.

Ken Flanagan's picture

It's not a joke to him and his company. My story is similar, but I took a b&w of an old chair leaning against a tree.

MJ Kreyzer's picture

Then it turns out that John Griffith's great grandfather was Andy Griffith which leads to Maxim hiring him to shoot their cover spreads.

Kawika Lopez's picture

This guy is my hero...

Charles Gaudreault's picture

HAHA AWSOME POST made my friday !

david squire's picture

I think I've seen that guy around... He lives in Silver Lake and wears skinny jeans, he also wears beard jewelry.

Barry MacKenzie's picture

Dude doesn't shoot architecture? He's dead in the water.

Brian Anderson's picture

Saturation at 100 and clarity at -100. Of course heavy vignette, why didn't I think of that!? Why did anyone give me these tips before?! Now I'm starting my own photography business! ;)

Ian Anderson's picture

You forgot to include the link to his Facebook page.

Dan Corby's picture

Hahaha! This is great!

Ian Anderson's picture

In other news, I hear The Onion just put up a review of the Sigma 85mm Art...

Henry Louey's picture

Sounds like every single Canon owner i know

Spencer Bentley's picture

The hard "G' got me lmao. Good stuff.

Eric Pare's picture

Highly recommended! Five stars! :::))

I have Facebook friends right now who just started taking pictures, they crank the HDR and saturation to 100, and have declared themselves open for business. All the weak minds leave comments saying "Fantastic! You're amazing! These are breathtaking." So the satire of this great article is right on.

Who are we to stop them from doing so ? Offer and demand, if people want this, then it is their choice. Good work always comes out on top :)

Sean Molin's picture

Methinks we should have an actual "satire" section on here. This made me happy.

"Things that I regret doing"-list, new entry: opened C1 to find out what Saturation: 100, Clarity: -100 looks like.

Alex Cooke's picture

Avert your eyes!!!

Bill Peppas's picture

EL Oh EL