Wedding Guest Collapses While Trying to Refrain From Giving Photographer Advice

Wedding Guest Collapses While Trying to Refrain From Giving Photographer Advice

Aruba: a wedding guest collapsed and was attended to by medics after witnesses said he spent the majority of the wedding nervously watching the photographer and mumbling things such as: "No, no, that's the wrong angle, you idiot! The D750? Seriously!?"

The man, identified only as Bob, the uncle of the bride, was initially believed to have suffered some sort of heat stroke or dehydration. Said Medic Jenny Smith:

It's Aruba, so it's not uncommon for wedding guests in full suits and dresses to have a bit of trouble with the sun or dehydration. He seemed a little warm and disoriented, so we took him to a cool area and got some fluids in him. It didn't seem to help, though; in fact, he seemed to get more anxious and kept asking where the 'fill flash' was. At first, we were a bit worried it was more serious, but then, the wedding photographer assured us that maybe something else was to blame.

Wedding Photographer Jared Thatcher picks up the story:

Yeah, that Bob guy was a little strange. You know when you just have a feeling someone is watching you? All day, every time I would turn around, he'd be staring at me with this sort of pained scowl. One of my assistants walked by him at some point and said he kept muttering about lens choices and light placement. His wife kept grabbing his arm and whispering: 'Bob! Stop it! They know what they're doing! Do NOT get your camera out. I told you to leave it at the hotel! There's no such thing as a fourth shooter!'

Wedding guests noted Bob's strange behavior, which seemed to culminate in some sort of collapse. Said Ted, the wedding's DJ:

I've never seen someone look so unhappy and anxious at a wedding. He kept pulling what looked like a DSLR out from under the table and his wife kept swatting his hand and telling him to put it away. Then, while his wife was in the bathroom, he walked up to the photographer and said: 'The D750, eh? You don't think the D850 would be better for this? I own the D850.' His wife came rushing back and dragged him away just as he started taking portraits over the photographer's shoulder and telling assistants to 'turn up the fill,' much to their confusion. Where did he even get a trigger for those lights?

After another three or four incidents like that, I saw his wife take his camera and hand it off to their daughter, who seemed to then hide it somewhere. I thought whatever was going on was over, and by that time, everyone was out on the dance floor. Bob's wife dragged him out on the floor and he started shaking and twitching, and I just thought he was getting his groove on, though I never pegged him as an EDM fan. The crowd was yelling: 'Go Bob! Go Bob! It's your birthday! Get down!' But then, he started sweating profusely, and when the bass dropped, he let out a weird scream and yelled something like: 'D850! Fill flash! Why no primes!? Your ISO is too high! That's the wrong angle!' He then collapsed and just repeatedly muttered: 'The D850 has more megapixels than the D750. The D850 has more megapixels than the D750.'

After being attended to by the medic, Bob's wife took him to their car and gave him back his D850, which he was last seen clutching near his heart while sleeping in the passenger seat. Fstoppers will keep you updated on Uncle Bob's condition.

Lead image by Scott Webb, used under Creative Commons.

Alex Cooke's picture

Alex Cooke is a Cleveland-based portrait, events, and landscape photographer. He holds an M.S. in Applied Mathematics and a doctorate in Music Composition. He is also an avid equestrian.

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This is obviously not right. I mean, come on, honestly, the socks on the groom!!! pfffft.....

And loafers! On his wedding day!?

It's not April 1st.


i stopped reading after i found out his name was bob. can't we just get another iPhone article ?

Maybe Bob uses an iPhone in the sequel. Plot twist!

god i hope so. and hopefully he knows to shoot in raw

I've got 37 years in the business..... Hilarious! Thanks for this. Now people really understand what we deal with!

Oh, come on now. Uncle Bob? (sigh). It's scary how plausible this whole tale is, though.

I suspect he was on a day release for the wedding, with family support and strict instruction that any misbehaviour will result in D850 being confiscated. Just could not cope with the situation.

This is bad sitcom material for the Fstoppers video and acting crew...please show us if you are worthy of a Oscar nomination.

I don’t understand why these kinds of “article” is on fstoppers. Is this theonion or cracked? It’s the second one of this kind that I’ve read here thinking it was real until it was near the end. First one I chuckled, this time not funny. For the next article with these kinds of headlines here, I sure learned that it’s just bs and not to click.

slow news day.

No, not funny at all. Especially when you know the fact that Bob paid a lot of money switching from Canon glass to Nikon. I hope he is gonna be ok. D850 DOES have more megapixels, dammit

We all laugh about it but there are too many 'Uncle Bobs'. I no longer do Weddings Bar mitzvahs, Bat mitzvahs or Baptisms because of an incident or rather too many incidence similar to all the other 'Uncle Bob stories. I was shooting a wedding and 'Uncle Bob kept waiting until I was about to shoot then he would jump out right in front of me and take the shot himself, and I mean right out in front of me with a point and shoot. The last straw was when I was taking shots of the actual wedding ceremony and he popped right out ( kind of) in front of me but knocking my camera and lens right out of my hand and across the marble church floor, parts went flying everywhere to both my lens and my camera. Thank God I always carried 3 or 4 cameras with me. I finished the event with my 2nd and 3rd cameras while he was instructed to keep at least 15 feet away from me the rest of the day. I billed the cost of a 'New' replacement camera and lens on top of the cost of shooting the event which they paid after asking me if I couldn't just 'get it fixed' or buy a 'used replacement'. I told them, "No, that's what a replacement camera and lens cost, I have shoots lined up and I can't shop round for deals or bargains, pass it on to Uncle Bob", they paid it and that was the last Wedding I ever shot. I don't understand why people think that since you are getting paid to shoot the event you are equally paid to put up with such non-sense.

Sorry but people collapsing, strokes, etc just aren't funny. Hopefully you or a loved one never experience one in real life.

I agree that strokes aren’t funny, but nowhere in this article are they mentioned or even alluded to (notice the medic let Bob take a nap in the family car). And a loved one of mine has experienced one right in front of me, so I assure you I wouldn’t dream of joking about it.

On the other hand, I personally am not offended by the thought of someone exhausting themselves complaining about other photographers, especially considering that’s really not far from reality.

you realize it's not a real article right ?

Ok if I get catch with one of these fake stories again, I'll have to stop reading and sharing fstoppers articles . Waste of time.

Sorry you feel that way; most feedback has been positive. I personally like to laugh at the ridiculousness photographers often face, because otherwise, it could get mighty depressing.

The Onion?

Something like that.

I suppose that just about every wedding photographer has experienced an 'uncle Fred', i.e. somebody who has had a decent quality camera for Christmas and thinks he know more than than the professional wedding photographer. Uncle Freds have been present at most weddings that I have shot. Having said that the uncle Bob in question might just have had a point and the 'professional' wedding photographer may have indeed been completely useless (as is often the case).

OMG! The D750? In a wedding? A WEDDING???

Recovering in 'Kokomo' ;)